I had this friend I met in high school. He actually went to Shawnee Mission North, while I went to Shawnee Mission Northwest. We originally met in a church youth group and became friends. His name is Brent.

So I thought.

Years into our friendship, I noticed he had his name on his Bible. But, it read "C. Brent Johnson ?. I never noticed it before Finally, one day another pal and I hounded him enough until he revealed what the "C ? initial stood for.

His name was, "Cig Brent Johnson ?.

"Cig? ? "Did you say Cig as in cigarette? ?

His legal first name was "Cig ?. It was an old family name his parent though would be cute and cozy for Brent to have for the rest of his life.

GIVE ME A BREAK!

What ever happened to Dave, Doug, Fred, Tom, Jim? Or, for that matter, Sally, Cindi, Beverly, Stacey, etc ? What has gotten into the minds of Americans when they come up with bizarre names to call their children? Is this not one of the weirdest occurrences in recent American history? Doesn't this traumatize the child?

And, let me say right here and now, if you are a guy with a name like "Cig ?, you might as well accept that you will get beaten up on a daily basis once you reach Junior High School! Ask your parents to enroll you in a Kung Fu school at the age of 5 since that is your only hope.

The answer to "What are these head-case, ding-dong parents thinking when they find these horrible labels that traumatize their kids for life? ? is given by comedian and magician Penn Jillette. He says this:

"It's only the losers named Dave that think having an unusual name is bad, and who cares what they think. They're named Dave."

This modern-day Houdini named his daughter ?are you ready for this ?"Moxie CrimeFighter. ?

Did you catch that?

This gomer isn't the only one committing what has to be some kind of child abuse. I mean, doesn't it?

Here are some examples that celebrities (and mind you these are mainly AMERICAN celebrities) are naming there poor children:

Moses, Apple, Pilot Inspektor (note how they changed the spelling on Inspector), Banjo, Makena'lei, Moon Unit, Dweezil, Roman, and now Suri, "TomKat's ? new daughter.

What is wrong with these people?

In an article by Alex Williams, he reports:

"If celebrities are the new American aristocracy, the exotic baby name can sometimes function as the equivalent of a royal title, a way for a privileged caste to bestow the power of its legacy on future generations. ?

"There's a sense of 'I'm special, I'm different, and therefore my child is special and different,' " said Jenn Berman, a clinical psychologist in Beverly Hills, who has worked with actors. "It's unconscious, but they think, 'We're a creative family, you have the potential to be creative, so here, I bestow you with the name 'Joaquin,' " Dr. Berman said.

"As artists, actors often consider it their duty to shake up assumptions, defy conventions and push the frontiers of the possible. To settle for a tedious name for the child would almost be a form of spiritual surrender, said Stuart Fischoff, a psychologist, who has also worked with Hollywood clients. ?

"They're expressing their creativity, and they're also expressing their fear," Dr. Fischoff said. "It would be very embarrassing for people to think of them as normal."

I don't know about you but perhaps that is the main problem here. These people who make movies to entertain us are thinking of themselves more importantly than they ought!

"If celebrities are the new American aristocracy ?

I beg your pardon, but isn't this a little much? Isn't this over the top, so to speak? Is this why they are branding their children for life? They think of themselves as "the American aristocracy ?, or that " There's a sense of 'I'm special, I'm different, and therefore my child is special and different ?

Where is Dr. Phil when you need him? These kids are going to need him and these "I am so special ? celebrities certainly need him now!

"Paging Dr. Phil! ?